Stellar I think you have the desire to stop drinking but where's the commitment?
If I hit a rock with my car is get the car fixed, I don't destroy myself with alcoholism. If my wife has a serious medical condition I support her, not go loose my sanity over it. All I'm saying is, don't let this disease make poor decisions for you. You will loose every time my friend. Keep trying and get committed to sobriety. It's the only constant you have. Sounds like you need that.