That kind of love and loss, never leaves you, Bulldog. I have experienced that and have tried to deal with it in many ways, many times. I just always try to keep in mind that it's there, because of the deep love I feel, not guilt, not just loss. Try and take some time to remember the wonderful, irreplaceable, times you shared with your friend. That's what I do, for what it's worth. Focus on the great gift of that love.