I need to talk about it.
The last few nights I've been having some really fu^$ed up dreams about my childhood. Long story short...first love, best friend growing up died in a car accident. I saw her die. It's her birthday in a few days.
This was the center of my drinking for many many years.
I wasn't with her at the accident, but I was supposed to get a ride with her that morning. I've always had a lot of guilt over that.
This is s#it I've long since dealt with. Like years ago, I think.
I found myself in a thought process that went like this...
"I wonder what a cold beer smells like?"
NO....... This is a freight train of destruction heading towards me at mach 5. All I need to do is drop the hammer and I'm off. I know how this $#it works except this time I'm gonna die. That's a given if I go back.
So....I'm not in the best of moods right now but I'm going to call my wife, tell my neighbor/best buddy and go sit in meetings all day. This demon is staying dead this time. This is my ***%ing life. I've worked too hard to get my life back.
thanks for being here.