I do relate to what you're saying. 'This time' I'm not trying to make anything into anything. In fact, I try not to think too much about much of anything. I go to AA, I exercise, parent, take care of my home/animals and pay the bills. I do the step that is in front of me, right now that's step 4. I am an infamous over thinker, over complicater. And all that does is keep me focused on me me and more me.
I believe that if I keep putting the right foot forward, one day at a time, it all starts to come together. I'll be 6 months on the 18th and the only thing I know at this point is I'm at peace. Oh and I'm sober.
Hang in there. More will be revealed.....