Sounds like a train wreck about to happen. You need to draw boundaries for yourself and the kids and stick to them. I'm not an expert by any means but she's an active user and your in recovery. She's not good for your recovery as she is...you might have to tell her you need to change your people, places and things and that will include her if she doesn't get her act together. As far as her emotional affair, I'd immediately ask her for no contact with the other guy (I assume) and if that didn't happen, I'd be making plans to have a life without her.