Originally Posted by
Wells 
That was tough for me for a while, but even having a small grasp of the way that the brain works with alcoholism is enlightening. To the outsiders, and those in recovery, the mental and physical gymnastics done to keep the alcohol in play is astounding.
A few reasons I wanted to post this thread were to:
- Remind myself another reason why my relationship was broken and how alcohol became more important than me.
- Allow others who have experienced this to weigh in from either side of the street.
- Help others who maybe didn't realize it see that this was a potential red flag.
Looks like we've done all that here, which is great. Obviously, not great that it had to happen, but it happened, let's deal with it.
Especially early on, with the fog I was in and still come in and out of at times, when I have doubts about if the alcoholism was real or if it was in my head, if I was overreacting, if I was the controlling person I was claimed to be, etc. -- A memory like this pops up, and I remember the way that felt and with the distance and hindsight, I remember that above all, something was definitely wrong. If you are in the middle of a text message or phone call game with someone who is trying to use that information to get as much alcohol consumed as they can before they see you, something is wrong. I can't believe I ever thought that was acceptable.
This is a very interesting post! I never really thought about the "When will you be home?" or "How's it going?" texts...I do know that they have always caused me to be annoyed and anxious...But never really thought about WHY.
Why:
-Because he was checking in to see how long I'd be away (and if it was going to be a substantial amount of time, he would chose to go to his favorite watering hole for the entire duration of my absence)
-It would remind me that I was away from him, that he was probably alone at home feeling sad for himself, and I he would then be on the back of my mind, rushing me home to entertain him/make him feel wanted. (when whatever we were out doing - he was always invited to join us but always had a reason not to participate)
-Or I would alert him when the kids and I were on our way home/already home/etc...and he would "meet us at home" or "be there in 10"....To only arrive hours later but he knew I was home waiting on his return.
It all comes down to control and loneliness /not being happy in his own presence in my situation. And here I had a mental spin on it, making me feel guilty for carrying on with life "without him"
This is a great thought provoking post. Thank you!