That was tough for me for a while, but even having a small grasp of the way that the brain works with alcoholism is enlightening. To the outsiders, and those in recovery, the mental and physical gymnastics done to keep the alcohol in play is astounding.
A few reasons I wanted to post this thread were to:
- Remind myself another reason why my relationship was broken and how alcohol became more important than me.
- Allow others who have experienced this to weigh in from either side of the street.
- Help others who maybe didn't realize it see that this was a potential red flag.
Looks like we've done all that here, which is great. Obviously, not great that it had to happen, but it happened, let's deal with it.
Especially early on, with the fog I was in and still come in and out of at times, when I have doubts about if the alcoholism was real or if it was in my head, if I was overreacting, if I was the controlling person I was claimed to be, etc. -- A memory like this pops up, and I remember the way that felt and with the distance and hindsight, I remember that above all, something was definitely wrong. If you are in the middle of a text message or phone call game with someone who is trying to use that information to get as much alcohol consumed as they can before they see you, something is wrong. I can't believe I ever thought that was acceptable.