I too have FINALLY started reading "Codependent No More", all too late but this conversation really got me thinking. I realize it's a bit out of the usual subject matter here so I appreciate everyone indulging me. This is after all a support forum for family members of alcoholics, and with mine in the rear view mirror I suppose there's only so much I can say about my own life before I really need to step back.
That said, I really am learning that codependency is a real thing and that I've got it, and also taking stock of the things I did as far as enabling, through my own codependency, that allowed the relationship to continue on that rocky dead end path for so many long years now.
In knowledge comes forgiveness though, which is the real thought I had that started this thread. I can treat my codependency as an entity now, the same way we treat alcoholism. I can see the parallels and even understand more about how much like we feed off of caring for and enabling our addicts, they in turn feed off the bottle. We know it's bad for us...yet we go back for more and more, time and time again. It's a fascinating parallel and the book has me reading and reflecting on myself, and I can't help but see my own patterns and mistakes and LOTS I want to work on.
I still have a lot more to go, but really enjoying the book and looking forward to what other wisdom I find within.
Back on to dating - Yeah, I just never really learned the right way. Unfortunately I seem to be surrounded by people who are paired off. I wondered to myself today, of the age group from 35 - 55, I wonder if there are any statistics on how many of those adults are truly single, and how many are with a SO (married or at least together). I must admit when I am alone I get the feeling that there are so many of them, and so few of me. Then I start feeling like I'm doing something wrong and unorthodox, I am the "different" one in the room and it makes me feel a bit out of sorts. I attended a huge family party over the weekend, with at least 40 or more people in attendance. The only adult there without a husband or wife was me. Bleah.
So I need to work on that mindset and get over it, and I think the book will help with that. I've always considered myself to be extremely well adjusted but need to get over the fact that despite seeing it everywhere, I don't need someone else in my life just for the sake of it. I think I will welcome it when I am ready, but I also don't think I'm ready yet. I want to be ready, but I have more to ponder and work on for myself. I want my next relationship to be healthy and for the right reasons, not just because I don't like coming home to an empty house and turning out the lights every night in a bedroom with a big empty bed.
And yes, I do continue to ponder getting a dog to fill some of the void, but I'm too afraid to be a single dog parent now and the impact it will have on what little social life I do have. When I do things socially I leave town most of the time to see family or friends, and I can't be doing that with a pup to take care of. We'll see though. One thing at a time. I just don't want to trade a dog for people.
More ramblings to come as I think about rambling. Thanks all!