JustAnotherDay

In the past I had a natural reflex to lose my cool and get really angry when approaching a situation that had hurt my feelings or really pissed me off. Thats how it always was growing up; yell, scream, say what we had to say and then everybody sat down and ate ice cream, woke up the next day and we all got along. (My brother and I still tend to act like this haha) NOW! I know thats probably not normal AT ALL for most people. But we got our problems out there, fought them out (loudly) and then everything was fine. We all still have a good relationship. With the exception my mother has been extremely co-dependant of men in her life (thanks mom!)

As an adult, I realized... Normal people dont do that. Who knew lol

But then when I got with my AXBF I realized that I was acting that way WAAAAAY too often. There were so many things to express and so many instances of betrayal, hurt feelings, etc. that it seemed as though I was always mad. And his inability to address the situation and fight back with me (he has a very non-confrontal argumentative style) would escalate the situation for me. I WANTED to get it out. I WANTED to fight.

So I worked on it. For years.

Now, thanks to you guys and all the things i've read about and worked on I dont do that as often. If ever. I dont want to escalate a situation with anyone. I like to back off. Take time to reflect and remove myself from the situation and cool off.

But the new boyfriend and I got into a disagreement (nothing major) this weekend and since i was frustrated with it, I stepped back. I went and cuddled with my dogs, watched some tv and did some things around the house. He however hates this. Obviously this is my way of dealing with the situation but he expects me to still want to be affectionate and all lovey dovey even there is a disagreement and thats just not how I deal with being hurt, disappointment, etc. He acts like Im neglecting him or something because Im angry. And will make remarks like...
"Oh so your mad so you are going to ignore me now?"
"Here we go, do you have to act like I dont exist?"

I need some help here because as far as Im seeing, its not BAD that I resend some right???? I mean, I could blow up or start an all out fight. I think he's being controlling by trying to dictate how I act and treating me poorly by insinuating that I should act differently when dealing with my emotions. But in all fairness, do you guys deal in better ways than I am? What could I continue to improve (that always be a yes!)?

I dont really know what or how to explain this feeling, I just feel as though I need guidence. Maybe a way to put up a boundary, a line in the sand. I WILL feel this way and I have a right to feel this way.