There is far more to this story but for the privacy of those involved, I won't share here. I am sure I've already said too much but I needed to provide some context.
I have been very fortunate that I have another friend who isn't messed up who has been there for me during this time and have been able to talk to, vent and get advice from. I feel this has been more helpful than the counseling I've been going to. While I've discussed this whole situation with a few people in my life, this other friend (a true friend) has been invaluable in helping me deal with this. I have known her for maybe six years and she's known about what's been going on for the last 16 months or so. She's provided a different perspective but also has withheld judgment which is extremely helpful because I don't feel proud of myself by getting involved in all of this. She doesn't blame me for trying to help my troubled and toxic friend, but has also been brutally honest with me when it comes to some of the questionable decisions I've made when I following my heart (and unfortunately my penis because I did find myself attracted to her) and not my head. I think the closer we get to a specific situation like this we are less likely to see the big picture. Sometimes it takes others to point out the obvious.
Obviously I've never found myself in a situation like this before and hopefully I never will again, especially now that I've been exposed to this. I had a cousin who went to prison for drug-related offences and it cost him his marriage and visitation to his two young daughters. But he has been able to turn his life around and started a successful company so I know people can recover from this and perhaps my toxic friend can too. But at the same time I'm not holding my breath. She did hit bottom and knew if she didn't get help she might die. Unfortunately, it seems she keeps relapsing but I guess that's common. After all I said to her in those emails I have a pretty good feeling that I won't hear from her again regardless of the outcome. I was actually pretty nasty to her and I don't regret anything I said to her. I need to heal. This has been the most traumatic experience of my life.