Welcome, CV, I am am so sorry for what you are going through but glad you found us.
My son is also an addict, he is early 40's now but began this long long journey when he was in his mid 20's. We let him come home many times, thinking if we loved him enough and gave him a good home and safe place to be, he would get clean and stay clean. Each time it ended badly, with our home turned into a war zone.
He stole from us and pawned things many times. Even things he knew had great sentimental value and could not be replaced. In hindsight, I wish I had charged him the very first time. Letting him off with feelings of remorse just led to more thefts.
He stole from our friends, or conned them with his sad stories and made us feel terrible that he would involve friends and family.
He lied about where he was, he hid drugs in our home and stolen goods too...WE could have been arrested for his crimes.
Each time we "let him fall" he ended up on the street and I felt so bad for him that I would continue to buy him a warm jacket and shoes and some clean clothing to wear...which he would sell for money for drugs.
He went to many many rehabs and each time stayed clean for a while, once as long as 3 year, but always he relapsed and the cycle continued. (By the way, the Salvation Army rehabs are long term and free and they offer a very good program. My son just didn't have the willingness to work what he learned to live a sober and clean life).
He never hit bottom but MY bottom came one night when I drove to a town an hour away to go get him out of a crack house. I banged on the crack house door and threatened to kick it down if they didn't open the door and send my son out. This behaviour is not "me", I have never been violent but I was just so afraid...and angry. He came out, we went to his apartment where I spent the night on his sofa and in the morning I left to come home and he left to go back to the crack house.
On my way home, I began to cry, hard enough that I had to pull off the highway, and I told God that I was done, that I could not do one more day of living like this. I turned over my son's care to God that night and felt a huge burden lifted.
I began going to meetings, CoDA was my home group, others here go to Al-anon or Nar-anon. I found my balance again, reclaimed my sanity and began building a life that was worth living. I found SR and this March I will have been here 15 years. I come to share my story and what helped me, and to draw strength from others here to help me through the rough days.
My son has been missing over 10 years now, lost in his addiction somewhere. I suspect he is still stuck in the revolving door of recovery/relapse/full addiction . He knows how to find us if and when he gets clean for a long period of time. I don't seek him out because if he is using I simply cannot get drawn back into his dark world of addiction. He knows he is loved, that matters to me.
Each morning I say a prayer and ask God to watch over my son, then I live my life in faith that He will. Today I find joy and beauty in each day. I live in faith that things are as they are supposed to be and all is well with my world.
I share my story because I want you to see that it could be a very long journey. Many find and stay clean early in the journey, others take years and years, some never find it.
We can't "love" them clean. We can kill ourselves trying but in the end, we have no power over their addiction. If we did, not one of us would be here.
Please take a good read around. If you can, find some meetings near you and go, I promise you will be glad you did.
I hope my story doesn't frighten you, when I read yours it was like reading my life all over again.
Hide your valuables including bank cards and checkbooks (stealing a check from the middle of a book is a common ploy), hide your medications and say your prayers...it is almost impossible to out think an addict desperate for drugs.
Take a read around, you will see that there are many parents here and we are all walking with you. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.