EnterSandman......consider this: If your son reaches young adult life and asks "Pappa--why did you make me stay in an unhappy home? Why didn't you leave?" What will you say? "Well, son. I wanted to leave, but, I stayed because of you". Think of the guilt and resentment that will place on his shoulders.
Children are quick to take on guilt feelings for everything, anyway..
Make no mistake...children can tell when the home is unhappy...they can feel the tensions between the parents. They are like little sponges...they absorb everything around them...whether it is positive or negative. They might not understand all of it..but they "feel" it...and that makes an impression on a developing child.
I wish I had a penny for every person on this forum that has confirmed this....the ones who say that they wish that their parents had separated and how being in a dysfunctional home has been a burden for them, even to this day....
I can remember well as a child...how I could tell if the adults around me were happy or unhappy...even if they were taking good care of me, in general. It was like Is like there was a grey cloud of some kind...and it made me feel "bad", also....
Most all of us parents underestimate what our children see and feel and "know" about....
I remember from a course that I took on Marriage and Family, that they made this big point....most all children can recover from (or adjust to) the affects of divorce within 2yrs....if the divorce is handled in a way that the children feel day to day security...It is not the divorce, itself---it is how it is handled!
If the child feels love and security from each parent when the child is with each parent...and, are not put in the middle of the fighting.....
I think that the idea of a legal separation, if it is available in your state. might be a good idea....to give both of you some space...AFTER you had had some individual counseling, yourself. I don't think that couples counseling is a good idea at this point....as you need to get your own s*** together...lol...
Also, in addition, alanon would be a good addition to the individual therapy....
(there are some personal issues that alanon is not organized to address in depth).....But, both seems to be a winning combination that so many others, on this forum. swear to.....
If you at feeling "paralyzed"....making appoints with a therapist and finding an alanon meeting are good baby steps to busting that paralyzed feeling.....