Originally Posted by
EnterSandman 
I am the husband of an AW in recovery and nothing in my eyes has been the same since she quit, which was about 4 months ago, maybe it hasn't been for a long time and me concentrating on alcohol being the problem has just masked everything else.
It seems to me that this might be pretty accurate. I know that I certainly felt that if only XAH would stop drinking, everything would be fine. That's what led me to accept his claims that he was going to AA meetings and was sober when, if I'd done any work on my OWN recovery, I would have clearly seen that there was no recovery of any kind going on on his part. I guess I viewed it as some kind of surgery--AA helped "remove" the drinking, and after a little recovery time, he'd be back to the person I'd believed him to be. (Oh, my lord, what we don't know that we don't know!!)
I don't think I can address your situation any further than that, since XAH and I are divorced and you're apparently looking for a way to stay together. I will say this, though--as a child of an extremely dysfunctional family (altho not alcoholic), you are not doing your son any favors by remaining in an unhappy relationship.
I know there are plenty of others here who've been in your shoes and who can shed way more light than I have. I hope you find some answers and begin to see a way to move forward.