Michelle,
I noticed that BigSis brought up suicide. I just want to clarify that when I said that there was "no other option but death" when an addict looks down the road- like I am doing- all I meant was that should be a good incentive to kick the habit for good! I just hope nobody thought that I meant suicide was a real alternative. I say that because I am still getting over the suicide of a looong -time friend of mine...
I am still so shocked that she did it. She had talked to me about her problems for a loong time- and towards the end she started talking more and more about suicide... But with all the illness in my own family, I could not be her saviour. I knew she had counselors, family, and friends. She started asking me for money- and when I would not give her any more money, she started asking for "gifts -in-kind." I felt bad that I could not help her further, and even extricated myself from her life. One reason I felt I had to do that was that this lady would be around mylittle boy- and now I didn't know what she was going to do. Another reason was that my husband's brother killed himself with a gun, and deep down I knew that if I exposed him to a close-up situation where he had to see that again, it might really hurt him (he has already recently dealt with the after-effects of cancer treatment and the loss of his dad and is depressed). I also had had all I could take emotionally from this person...
One sad thing about suicides- no matter what they did in their lives- all their trying and striving (hubby's brother was even a paramedic).. .. Everything becomes overshadowed by the way they died... Every time people mention my friend- from now onwards- it's basically all they can think about. And she wrote letters that were seemingly meant to get attention from her sisters, or make them feel bad, "you'll be happier with me gone" stuff... Well, everyone sees that as just a "guilt trip"- and they are just going on with their lives. The ultimate "cutting off one's nose to spite their face!"
I know that we can't be sure of what lies ahead, but I've never been attracted to suicide... I have, on the contrary, been trying to stay alive these past 10 years. I figure that we all will die soon enough...
Anyway- there probably was no need to even bring that up...sorry if I said something wrong...
Hang in there! You can have your life back again and so can I... Wouldn't it be great to be off these pills? I envision being FREE... Not needing to call doc every month. Not worried that some INS won't cover it- on and on it goes... Frankly, if I can stand it- I would rather have the pain of my illness than the pain of W/D.
Praying for our freedom-
Freedom for all of us- including BisSis &family !
GS