I've been away from SR for awhile, for various reasons. Too busy, too tired, A is sober, whatever. All just excuses. I decided last night that I needed to come back here, get to a meeting, and figure out whatever needs figuring out.
I'll start with a brief history and then try to limit the rest to under 10,000 words
My A and I have been together for over 7 years. I knew that he drank when we met and even questioned his drinking before we were married a year later. I had the illusion that our love would change him blah, blah, blah. A couple years into our marriage he entered treatment for 28 days. He maintained sobriety for a couple of months and since then has probably been sober about 30 days at the most at one time.
I've been supportive, quiet, angry, disgusted, sad, happy, and everything else in between. He's been in detox, taken medication, seen a counselor, attended meetings, etc. all in an effort to stop. His promises don't mean anything anymore.
The reason I feel that this is "worse" now than it was before is because of the businesses we own and how his drinking is affecting them. I know that I can't control his drinking and it takes everything I have not to comment to him or our employees but this is affecting me emotionally and now financially.
He's doing his own "program" at home; I'm not sure what exactly that means. He said he would go for outpatient help but hasn't made an attempt to do that. The last time he got quite drunk, he said I could divorce him if he drank again. Well, guess what...he drank again. DUH!
I know all about boundaries, I just can't seem to enforce them. I have found myself distancing my emotions from him, even the affection I normally give him. He commented on it last night; he knows I do that when he drinks but still questions it (says that he needs to feel that I still love him even when he's drinking; I do, I just have a hard time showing it because of all the other feelings going through me at the time).
What can I do and where do I go from here?
allmixedup