I think for many of us the term “relationship” is seen through distorted and unrealistic vision. We tend to have unrealistic expectations about what a mutual loving and caring relationship actually is. We tend to pick people who will never fit our expectations then spend years trying to make them/us fit that mold. We want a deep loving emotional connection yet we pick people who are running from feeling.
Relationships are not about winning or defeat, they are about 2 people mutually coming together and working together towards the same goals. When one person’s goal is to medicate with booze or drugs the other person’s goal will never come about yet we stick around waiting and watching like standing in front of burning building hoping that it won’t be as bad as it looks.
One of my very good friends told me, you can’t begin to heal until you fully extricate what you are trying to heal. Meaning for as long as I held onto hope/fantasy/dreams of a reconciliation I wasn’t going to fully heal. And once I fully accepted that even if my ex were to get clean/sober for a year or more knowing what I know about addiction now there would never ever be a chance of me going back or any kind of a reconciliation friends or lovers – NEVER and that was the day my healing finally began.