i drank like a fish each night till i basicly passed out. then i woke up with a killer hangover ususally still drunk from the night before went to work thought about how terrible i felt and maybe iw ont drink later. usually by about noon i was doing a head count to see if i needed more beer for the evening and by 4 or 5pm i was already starting another night of drinking. in the end i started my dirnking earlier and earlier tho however becuase being sober was so incredibly uncomfortable with the anxiety and panic. I practically begged for that first drink each day and when i poured it down my throat i'd moan with relief. I usually would drink the first couple so fast just so i could get the alcohol flowing in my viens to calm myself down to what felt like a normal state to me.
i was essentially a slave to the booze to be honest. it was awful in many ways. the sick part of it is i'm an addict so part of me also gets the stupid idea now and then to do it again tho i wont cause I know better now.