Looking back to a time when I was freelance dating...there were times when I found myself in a position of trying tp make a pick between two attractive (to me) guys who were different in many ways....
And, I get it... it really can trigger a period of cognitive dissonance...
Life and relationships are complex and this can happen....
Looking back, in review....there were three such situations that really stand out, in my memory. And, it was tough...because each guy had some really outstanding characteristics that I was really drawn to....
And, like you, I felt a real inner need to ferret out the one that I might want to join my life with, in commitment. The time in my life was ripe for that...I really wanted a permanent partner to settle down with....for life....
What happened, you ask...lol. It is amazing, now, that in ever single case--I didn't end up with any single one of them! What is amazing about this is that they were such great guys.
In each case, it did take some time for the dynamics to "play out".....Slowly, what I call "deal breakers" would raise to the surface....(bingo)......
Deal breakers, in the sense that I am using the term, can be anything....like, for instance---timing. People can be in very different stages of their lives--bringing a whole set of life pressures. Life goals--one might want to have children, and the other has already had all the children they want. Age--this can bring eventual dissatisfactions if there is too much of a difference... Philosophical, cultural religious differences---make no mistake...these can present great chaisms , if there is not enough overlap and agreement...
Differences in temperament. Not enough equity in the basic "chemistry".
Differences in maturity. etc. etc. etc...........
All of these things can become issues in relationships that can trump initial attraction....eventually.....
I think that these issues might not even come to light when one makes a decision under pressure. One might be tempted to just push certain things under the rug (but they won't stay there!).
The price that one will pay for a forced decision....is to arrive at a point, down the line, where they say...."OMG. What was I thinking...why didn't I see that. I would give anything to turn back time and change my decision!!".
by the way, I did find another that was right for me...and I was right for him. It all fell into p lace, when it happened.
I am just sharing some of my life experience with you.....