I'm so sorry. I cant imagine how hard this is for you. I left my ex when he was 33. I felt the way you did, but I just couldn't handle the fear of not knowing what would happen to him. Although not to the level you are experiencing, I understand the guilt of feeling the need to help them. You are not at fault. You did nothing wrong. You couldn't save him and it's not your job to love him into wellness. I really recommend alanon and therapy right now. You need support. Take care of yourself.