Your post speaks volumes, and I can really relate. My AW suffers from major memory loss throughout the drinking, which is common. Their sense of time is skewed (Has not drank in 4-5 days equals 3-4 weeks in her mind). As a result, I too have often been criticized as being 'cold' or 'distant' since she easily forgets everything that has lead up to that moment. I too feel like I have built a shell around myself in order to protect my me and my son (12 yr old). I certainly don't have the answers, but this site has really helped in proving how common these situations are. Anyways, I feel for you, and am available if you ever want to connect