After 10 Year separation....how do I help him?
After a very long eight days, I found this site and tried to read as much as I could. Since the members here gave such honest and personal opinions/advice I hoped someone could give a little insight.
I've been separated from my husband for ten years (seperation was from an event related to his drinking). As with most separations there were "moments" of nastiness, but in the last 5-6 years communication seemed fine
He seemed to begin again on alcohol binges (5-7 days usually) and escalated to the point that my 19 and 15 year old children cannot deal with him and refuse to talk to him. He realized this and did the apology, promise, apology speech for awhile. During the last month, he would call and want to talk to me, saying much of the same. The phone calls increased about 10 days ago and I would be on the phone with him for hours. He finally asked for help and insisted there was no one else he had. I went to see him and realized how physically bad off he also was (history of heart failure). He was admitted to the hospital on Friday night and transferred to the detox/rehab center Sunday. During that time I still spoke with him a lot and went to the house to gather clothes, etc. needed for his rehab. He is aware my son and I were at the rehab twice to deliver items. He is not in a "blackout" period at the center. Since admission though, we have not heard from him (he can only call to give us the phone number).
I feel at a loss of what to do or think even at this point. My son wants to see him (visitation is once a week), but any visitations require an hour of family counseling first. I don't want to just show up only to have him not really want anyone there.
I realize that after discharge he needs support, but how do I know if it's wanted? I can't put the kids through another rejection.
Any advice or opions would be great. Since it's the first time he has been to detox or rehab, I don't want to do the wrong thing.
Pix