WOW.
Thank you for this thread heartcore! It's really got me thinking . . . which in this case is good!
I've always been an "I got this, no problem!" person. It was my job, from being the oldest child to my last job in pediatric ICU.
I realized not very long ago that I was doing the same thing in my recovery. Being an "AA Old-timer," people seem to think I have all this wonderful wisdom and constant serenity, etc. How can I admit that the exact opposite is true? I must not be doing this right! [Egotistical lack of self-esteem?]
I pride myself on being honest, but I wasn't. People would ask how I was and I'd automatically say "GOOD!" and flash a big smile, even when I was dying inside. I wanted people to magically know that I desperately needed help. It finally dawned on me, not only am I not being honest with others, I'm lying like hell to myself.
But it's kinda funny [not ha ha] that lately, when people ask how I am, I still want to say something positive . . . [No Whining, No Self-Pity!] . . . but I want to be honest even more. They don't know how to react when I pause and then say "Well . . . I'm sober and I'm at a meeting" and then genuinely smile [cuz I'm sober and at a meeting!] It might sound like I'm trying to mess with their minds . . . but really, I'm trying to un-mess mine and this is the only way I can think of to do it right now.
What good is being part of support system if you won't let yourself ask for support?
Lots of reflecting to do . . .
[I'm really glad your friend is checking in with you! She prob'ly doesn't realize that she's actually reaching out . . . ?]