Thank you, sweet brilliant one, for responding. I really value you.
Your comment that for people who highly value a professional & "neutral" face, wearing such a face is not necessarily inauthentic, just blew my mind.
This is my exact contradiction/challenge. My profession is as a mediator & negotiator. My value professionally is in neutrality & the ability to hold calm competence in any (& every) crisis. I am trained to do so.
Then, in my personal & recovery life, it is that exact strength & capacity which prevents me from asking for (or even without asking, soliciting) support.
I haven't yet figured out how to hold competence as a value in one major aspect/identity & relax it in the other...
Ps. One of the great gifts of my move to New Orleans was discovering a therapist whom I love & respect. I share things with her that I don't share with others. It is a wonderful addition to my life. I was doing a "recovery worksheet" in a group I'm involved with that asked about the people we trust & love. I listed her more than once in response to different questions & then felt sort of embarrassed because it was a worksheet about our friendships & personal support systems & my therapist was one of my primary sources of support. I decided not to be awkward about it though, & awkwardly shared it with her. We choose our people...its ok.
Appreciating you & very glad you are still here. You are important to me. You always give me lots to consider...