There's is so very much to your thread heartcore - thanks for turning the lights on sober fear. The same ego that lead me to bad behavior while drinking can at times produce a false bravado of I got this. This is a daunting, perilous philosophy. It can lead me into that isolationist mentality.
I have to work at being connected which is difficult for me. Even when around other people I can feel quite alone. I have to find ways of dropping the mask and reaching out - thank you for the reminder.
I read a book in the last year - need to reread it - entitled the spirituality of imperfection. It helped me understand my broken-to-pieces-hood nature. That I am indeed not perfect nor are others. " To deny your essential imperfection is to deny yourself and your own humanity".
We are hurting healers, together engaged in the balance of love - fear - joy and pain. I am comforted at times by envisioning your cocked headed owl. Wise, cautious but willing .
WE got this........