My addiction (well, I can get addicted to anything) - but my primary addiction is with cocaine (& for many years prescribed Adderol - taken as prescribed - even when I was clean & sober in the program, with the blessings of my wise ones - therapist, sponsor, mentors).
I made the connection tonight that those particular drugs make you feel invincible, eternal, present, relevant.
The existential void beneath my love of those particular drugs is likely fear.
I never quite connected that before.
Maybe that's why I've felt like I need to be so heroic & strong shouldered in recovery.
Cause fear is...you know...scary...