Things are still bad
Well, it's the rollercoaster rides again. My husband told me he was ready to seek help and wanted to go see a therapist. I of course was very supportive and felt my hopes getting up even though I have been through this with him before. Sure enough after two weeks of sobriety he picked an argument over the phone from work today and isn't home as I write this. I called him on his phone and can tell he has been drinking with his brother. He hung up on me - nice huh? I know it is not about me but I cannot help but feel so unloved. I have been so loving, forgiving and supportive and it is just one slap in the face after another. I get so angry about our little children and how selfish he is for not realizing the seriousness he needs to have about getting better because of the responsibility he owes to himself and to them as their protector. I sit here all alone, hiding my tears from them and dying inside. I feel so trapped in this situation. No job, no family and he knows it and I know he gets off on it a little that I have no where to go. I keep thinking I will leave when my youngest is in school but that is 4 years from now....I will be nuts by then. I know everyone says leave leave leave. It is not so simple. I go over all of these ideas in my head of how and am left with nothing concrete. On top of that I still love him which makes me feel like the biggest doormat in the world. You ask yourself why?? Why do you love him?? I would love to go to Al anon but with my 3 little ones it is not possible. What will make him realize this for himself?? I feel like I am constantly being punished for trying to be a loving wife and a good person. I know this sounds like me me me me but in my life of always worrying about HIM and his problems it is a bit of a relief to talk about me on here. Does anyone out here live a life like this? I would love to hear from you.