Dreaming005

Hello, First time poster here. My AH is upstairs asleep, sleeping off a 0.3 4 BAC which started with him drinking this morning. I came home from dance class with my 2 girls, ages 4 & 6, and picked up AH to go to a museum together. He got in the car and I could instantly smell that he'd been drinking - he denied - I let it go because he wasn't acting drunk & I thought it might have just been on his coat. We do museum, go to lunch, and get home- all' swell.

AH is supposed to take 4 y.o. To a birthday party so I listened to my gut & asked him to take a breathalyzer. He flubbed it several times then finally admitted he'd been drinking. So I take 4 yo and leave him home with 6 yo. Get home and he now looks drunk. Make him take breathalyzer and it reads 0.34!!! He insists he hadn't drank since the morning - regardless... as times passes he's acting more & more intoxicated & final just went to bed.

Question 1: is it possible for someone to get drunker as the day goes on, without drinking? He said he drank a bunch of nips of vodka before 10am. He blew the 0.34 at 1:00. By 4:30 he Was asleep.

He's been trying to get sober since Feb '16. Got 85 days, then relapsed, 30 days, then every 2 weeks, then Went to inpatient rehab in November after a bender which ended with me filing a missing person report.... Came home mid-December. Made it a week home before he started drinking again. Fessed up, hit reset. 2 weeks later, another relapse. Reset. Now today (2 weeks later again!!)

I've been reading an Al-Anon book (the daily thoughts one), read lots online, went to a few meetings but found them unbelievably depressing. No ones seems to recover, lots of separation/ divorce/ death.... Maybe I'm still being naive, but I still have hope he'll manage this & we'll be able to move forward together.

I get the detach with love sentiment- it's helped my sanity a lot. Also, understanding I can't control or cure him BUT there's a lot in Alanon that seems so outdated and like a 1950s mindset. Keep your looks up, smile, don't argue with the AH, and he'll notice & want to change his ways - what???

Reality is we have young kids, I work a full-time, pretty demanding job. He doesn't work- he got laid off 2.5 years go, has anxiety, depression... his job for now is supposed to be taking care of the house, cooking, groceries, errands.

Question 2: how am I supposed to not give him $, when he's supposed to do the errands inc grocery shop? I have to take all of that on too? Or else I'm enabling him?? He already doesn't pick the girls up from after-school care anymore, since I don't trust him to drive them at that time. That's an issue with my job as I have to miss meetings sometimes. I need to keep the girls safe so this is non-negotiable, but if I take on the other stuff too, my burden is doubled & isn't that enabling him?

Question 3: anyone experience this cyclical relapse behavior? Any suggestion on what to do/ not do? He's not physically or verbally abusive. He's apologetic and guilt ridden when sober.... I feel like he wants soberity, but maybe not enough. It's exhausting. I go on with my life, do outings with the girls, but when he drinks he just sleeps & im stuck taking care of everything, again.

I struggle with being patient and understanding vs setting boundaries and not enabling. Any thoughts?

Sorry for the ramble!