Came close to drinking today.
I don't know what it is, but my mood has been bleak the past few days. I came the closest to drinking today so far in my recovery. Even to the point where I was planning how I would do it without getting found out. But I used the tools in my toolbox and came out the other side of the worst of the craving.
I have a feeling this has something to do with the fact that I've started working on my 4th step. I always thought I was such a chill person...live and let live, blahblahblah. But MAN, I have a lot of resentments that I've been burying with alcohol for decades.
I just had a text argument with my (sorta) girlfriend. Other than attending an AA meeting together last weekend, she doesn't want to spend time with me. She says she's worried that we'll fall back into old habits if we spend time together, and she knows how she would feel if we did (she still loves me). I hate this ambiguity, and I feel this is a real test for me to learn the hard lesson of acceptance. But gosh, I miss her.
So thanks for letting me vent, SR. AA meeting is in an hour, so I'll be heading out soon.