Hey! You asked why are you drinking so heavily? It's because you're an alcoholic....even though you may not have a reason you are drinking right now, when you started and escalated the periods of drinking somewhere in there you confused your body and it's chemistry and the psycho part too. I don't want to tell you the wrong facts because, well, honestly I don't remember since I always make excuses for myself.....but if you read up on alcoholism, you will see how you body is physically addicted and you are actually drinking to avoid/subdue withdrawals.....hope you find some literature, or look online...there is a ton of info on there that will probably help you understand all this better.....
Good luck, remember
<3