Up until now.....
Up until now I thought I was fine. Up until now I thought I had control. Up until now I thought was safe. Up until now I didn’t think at all. Let me tell you a little about myself. I’m young 23 to be exact. Been in a relationship for about 7 years. Give you the skinny I’ve been the jerk and she has been nothing but committed and loving. Up until this past Saturday I realize what this drink has done. It never was like this. It probably started about last year. For some reason I started to drink heavily from the occasional weekend drinker to your everyday drunk. Up until this Saturday I did something very wrong. I came home drunk as usual. Instead of just going to sleep I moped around for who knows what. She got home sometime after I did. I don’t remember much but I remember that we got into something. I think I pushed her knocking her down. Or did I strike her. I don’t remember to well but I remember her sister coming home in the mist of the chaos and thankfully took her away. I think she came back down to talk with me but I don’t recollect much. Past out as usual and woke up not remembering much as usual. Finding both of them gone I took a shower and decided to go out for a drive. I sort of remember what happened the previous night but I have to get my thoughts together. Took a long drive on the highway for about 5-6 hours. Came back home only to confirm my worst fear. I did in fact pushed her knocking her down on the ground. Up until now I was a jerk. Now I’m a woman beater. What the hell is wrong with me! I'm not sure why i'm typing this or why I'm even here. I'm a mess.