hey anaka
first off, it sounds like even though you are unhappy, you have done a good job of identifying the problem and are ready to face what's going on. good for you!
have you read "codependent no more" by melody beattie? if not, go right out and get it. if you've already read it, read it again! it's an amazing book. what you're going through is quite common and there are steps you can take to change things.
also, are you in any sort of counseling to deal with your own issues? this might be a good idea. that way you can separate your own problems from your husband's.