I did. So many times. I planned "relapse" so often that I was pretty much "relapsing" every day. Because every day I would wake up with some half-assed quasi-resolve to resist drinking and almost every day I would either decide that drinking was actually a wonderful idea, or I'd act off of habit, or I would invent a reason, or some thing, anything, to give that "relapse" a reason. Sometimes I'd find myself on the second drink, shocked that I had picked up the first. Talk about powerlessness.
Maybe all that self loathing and obsessive thinking oddly helps now. Because I'd be a huge liar if I said that I never have a thought about drinking. It pops into my head so fast sometimes I'd think it came from nowhere if I didn't know it came because I'm an alcoholic and I have an addictive mind that invents ideas when I don't take care of my brain by engaging in recovery.
The key is catching it. Kind of like Pokemon. Get that little bastard locked up before it takes off. Get a thought about drinking? Play the tape. What does it look like? Hint: not a beer commercial. That works really well for me now, I don't get more than a few seconds into the thought now, when it happens. At first, it was really hard. So I came here, told on myself, distracted myself, and if all else failed, I told myself I could relapse. Tomorrow. And when tomorrow came, I did the same thing, in the same order, if necessary.
All that drama in your head... for me, it is fading, fast.