Originally Posted by
AlcoholicJak 
I've made some pretty dumb mistakes in my life and they all can be rooted to me getting blitzed.
I don't want to reach out to a program because I feel I can control my own life.
Do you see the contradiction in the 2 statements above with your previous statement about losing control of your life because of drinking? It's quite common for addicts/alcoholics to want to "do it on their own" or "control" the situation because your addiction knows that you cannot do so. The very essence of addiction is the loss of control, so trying to solve the problem through your own control is usually fruitless.
This is a great thread you should take some time and read on how folks have gone about it
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
There are many, many ways to get and stay sober - and each person needs to find a combination that works. But none of them work without initially accepting/acknowledging that it's not something you can just control or use "willpower" to change.