Originally Posted by
BrendaChenowyth 
Is there ever a point where an addict can say, I never would have done those things, it was my addiction controlling me? Is that a cop out? Or am I supposed to accept that I am just that terrible of a person?
It is not a cop out, just a fact. If you could say I would have willingly done those things drink or sober, there would be no reason to feel bad. The fact is that chronic alcoholism leads us into some dark places, we do things that we would never ordinarily do, and that is what brings the remorse and shame. We go against our own nature and values and that is what makes us feel bad.
You are not a terrible person, you were a sick person. And now you are getting well.
Some say you can't change the past so why even go there? IME it is not about changing the past, it is about healing, restorative justice of you like. In fact, restorative justice is a good way to look at things.
I couldn't just forgive myself and never look back. Instead I took a number of steps. I realised I was sick, I sought help and undertook to change for the better. I looked at all my faults, and my wrongs and faced the truth. I went to the people I had hurt, explained what my problem had been, what my solution was, showed genuine contrition, asked them what I could do to make things right again, and did whatever they asked.
In such circumstances the miracle of reconciliation and /or restoration of trust can happen, and happens more often than not. That doesn't mean old relationships are salvaged necessarily, but old hurts are healed, old resentments are gone, along with all the associated fear. We can look the world in the eye.
Having done all this, and done my very best to clean up past mistakes, and having adopted a new manner of living in which I do not repeat those mistakes, well... what's left to forgive?