Read this once and it struck a chord;
“Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.”
― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
Really what I discovered is nothing I did was as bad as I thought nor nothing I did positively was as great. Both were simple grandiose thinking on my part. Turns out it was my ego demanding attention.
Just another Gus on the bus, nothing special.