31 days sober. New years eve.
I have been sober from alcohol for 31 days and tonight is the big one, new years eve.
I cannot honestly recall the last time I was sober on new years eve, it must be a good 10 years. I am at home alone tonight, I have turned my phone off and told everyone that I am staying in tonight to avoid going out and drinking, I cannot trust myself to go out and not drink.
However, as the night is setting in I am feeling overwhelmed, compelled and careless. It is the series of feelings only someone with an alcohol problem can understand. I know that if I was to go out tonight and drink that I would be facing horrendous consequences come tomorrow but somehow, this is not dampening my want to go out tonight. I have been doing very well this past month and can only recall one or two very overwhelming urges to drink that I was able to subside and stay sober.
I do not feel in control tonight, I am scared for the outcome of what is going to be a very very long night.
Good luck to everyone staying sober tonight, it is the toughest night of the year for many.