Wow, Liz. You've got a lot on your hands. It is hard to know what is best to do and say in this situation. It's complicated. When she complains about life being unfair, I'd say maybe she needs to vent about that; maybe that is how she is really feeling at the time. Most kids I know do pitch a fit when they have to clean their rooms. Mine did. I didn't make a big deal about it. As far as being disrespectful toward you, that one would be harder to deal with....Hmm. The bullying from big sister? Not good. If that is allowed to go on it can cause some real problems.