Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
i started a reply and it got way long winded (wuuuuuuuut??????) and then my boss came in......
has she been to the doctor for a FULL physical recently? including eyes and ears and blood work? children who act out often have an undiagnosed condition.......
i heartily agree with teatree that when children act out they do so for a REASON. and it is up to the adults to figure it out.
she's EIGHT. she's not the demon seed. she's had a LOT go on in her little short life. she has a mom who sounds half-whacked, a dad who now has another woman in his life that is NOT her mother, and an older sister who isn't much interested in interacting. she must feel lost and scared and abandoned.
THE SAME WAY WE ADULT CODIES FEEL. except she's 8 and doesn't have the resources or experience to manage her feelings. she wants her original family back together because that felt normal and safe....and it hasn't felt that way since they split up.
her dad sounds WAY too passive with her outburts...but more importantly with how the mother is behaving. it is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE for a mother to call her young daughters "little bitches" and whatever the other thing was. my very deceased ex would have had me in a headlock if renee had reported i abused her in any way, or called her such evil names.
IMO, this CHILD is screaming for boundaries and normalcy, consistency and help. if this is not addressed now, VERY real problems will develop. she's already lashing out with violence towards others. she is prone to rages. she is outwardly defiant and disobedient.
she needs qualified help.
Yes, she is and she does, but where is my place in any of this. I've offered my opinion to my bf. I've told him I think he lacks consistency in his parenting and that he is too passive. He agrees but he knows his ex is hard on the girls and he feels that if were too 'drill sergeant' that it would be too much for them. I told him the problem is that one day he's drill sergeant dad and the next day he lets things slide or overlooks their behaviors.
So, when she crosses a line, whatever that is for him, he will sometimes discipline but other times he just asks her, "K are you tired? Do you need to eat? You're acting out again and it's unacceptable." I think he's trying to figure out what works and what doesn't at this point, too.
She has normal scheduled chores to do, she has a set bedtime at our home and often complains that mom is way more lax about these things. She is expected to clean her room, pick up after herself, etc and she does it all but complains about life's unfairness all the time.
She is a contrarian by nature. If I pronounce something wrong, she will make fun of me or laugh at someone for things. In my mind, I find it disrespectful and I've had to tell her that she hurt my feelings or that she is being rude and ask her to correct her behavior.
I can ask her to adjust her behavior but I'm always met with opposition or indifference. If the bf is around, he steps in and asks her to apologize to whomever she has offended and she will, but only when he asks.
Honestly, I think her older sister bullies her. If I ask the oldest, "Hey where's your sister?" She will say, "I don't know and I don't care...." and the youngest will be standing right behind her. I'm not sure about school but her teacher says she's quite agreeable and sweet in class.
I need to talk to the bf once again.