Oh man - yep our home was the same way growing up. It was just not OK to vocalize what you want if it didn't make the group as a whole happy or better.
I agree with you completely. I have to add - I think my mom (and I in the past) would have the disappointment not because we didn't get what we want, but more so that our partner was not in tune with us enough to assume that we were asking them because that's what WE want. Crazy...all around.
And for your mom - I wonder why she wouldn't change her communication style if she knows it's not working, and sees it as a problem?
I couldn't even see that what I was doing was a problem for such a long time.