intheknow....I just went back and scanned through your other threads.....
This is what occurred to me....it looks to me like he KNOWS that he has all the power....because he know that you won't leave. This gives him the "confidence" to stand his ground....and, he knows he doesn't have to change. He knows you will be back...he doesn't even have to ask where you are, etc., because he already knows what will happen....He told you to leave before, and you didn't.....
He knows all of your "buttons". He knows what you are afraid of....he knows what your fears are.....He k nows that your fear keeps you by his side.....He knows that you will tolerate anything to stay together.....
Added to that--the stubbornness of a "farm boy"......(I know that type, very well...as I grew up around that kind of stubbornness).....
Hon, that kind doesn't change....Stubborness is their
pr imary tool of coping...because, culturally, that is what they learned and it is in their bones....
Personally, I wouldn't look for him to change....even if his drinking, etc., destroys him....I wouldn't look for any change.....
Now, I know that I don't know either one of you...so, I might sound very presumptive, in what I am saying....I am just going from what you have shared with us.....and this is just my impression....
I get that you are very hurt, to the core...because I am quite sure of this---that you felt that he really loved you...and that means everything....to tell you to "leave" is probably the most hurtful thing he could ever say...I think that is why you slapped him......
Don't forget this---He is controlled by his disease of alcoholism, right now. Over time, the alcohol changes the brain...the person....
You are not dealing with a normal person with a sober brain....He is not who he used to be....He is not functioning on the same plane as you...he is not in the same world as you...He is living in the alcoholism bubble....don't expect him to care about your welfare...because he can't....
When it comes to a choice of you or his alcohol...I believe that he will choose the alcohol.....(he has told you as much).....
I hear your considerable pain, loud and clear....I am so sorry for your pain.....
It looks to me that tings have finally come to the point that you either need to get out or be dragged......
Again, this is what it looks like, to me.....
When you are in the middle of the hell...it is so hard to see things clearly.......