intheknow.......from what you have shared, this is how it looks, to me----you are taking your advice and "instructions" and judgements from the wrong people--Him and his friend. These are the wrong people to be listening to---because your welfare doesn't mean anything to them!!
From this moment on---PLEASE try not to JADE to them....Justify...Argue...Defend....Explain......( not even in your own mind)......
You know your own truth...you know what really happened and how it came about...
You should be making your own judgements about your experiences and about what is in your own best interest.....
The reality is that you and he will never...never...be on the same page about this. He will always make you the "bad" guy. He is controlled by his alcoholism....You will never "win" in this battle....
For your own self esteem...you first thoughts should be what you think about him---not, what he thinks about you.....
The people that you should be listening to are those who know what they are talking about...and those who have your welfare at heart.....
Listen to lexiecat (she has worked in domestic violence and law for years)....listen to your own lawyer.....start going to alanon immediately---because you need the emotional support that they will give you......consider the experience and encouragement of the members on this forum who have walked in your same shoes.....
Do call the domestic hotline and get set up with a counselor, asap.
Take a deep breath and resist beating yourself up...resist feeling guilty....
You can't afford the wasted time and energy of beating yourself up....
I know that you feel overwhelmed, right now....But, you will get through all of this ...if you accept the help of those who care about you...those who are on your side....
You are not alone...you do have options (even if you can't see them, right now)...
You will get through this...and, you will be o.k.....
Keep posting, my dear...you have come to the right place....
Try to get some sleep...and get some nourishment....First things, first......