Day 75 ... AA anxiety is dreadful
First of all I can't believe it's been 75 days since I've had a drink. I did the first 30 days in 12 step based residential treatment program.
It was through this program that I was introduced to AA and the 12 steps & traditions. I desperately want to stay sober and work the program "the right way" but I am petrified with anxiety to barely utter a "hello" when someone says hi to me in meetings, let alone even attempting to find a sponsor. I figure by at least not drinking and making it through the door it is better than not going at all and getting drunk but I feel like I should be doing more and the anxiety of this is causing me daily suffering. For some reason being around all these people much older than me and lots of sober time is paralyzing me with anxiety.
It's like before I stopped drinking I was miserable with having an unmanageable life, but now I'm miserable with thinking I'm not doing enough to be proactive in my recovery... In many ways I am feeling like a failure at AA. Is this normal?