Hmmmmm.
Walking on eggshells? Sure that can be done, but boy does it get old, huh? It's like living with someone who has a temper and you never know when they might be in that "mood" or what will trigger it. When a person lives that way, I think what happens is they cannot truly be their self or have true liberty.
You are in a sort of constant state of trying to predict how you will affect her instead of just being able to be yourself and have that be "okay". It's like living under her thumb, even though she is a woman, you are a man, and she is likely smaller than you physically.
I watched a dichotomy play out with my BIL and ex SIL. He is this big guy and she is petite, but boy did she wreak havoc on him; similar to what you describe by using the "silent treatment"; passive-aggressiveness, etc. The thing is, this turmoil can be present even if no addiction or cheating is a factor. My SIL was just a very unhappy person and in fact the two of them were not very compatible. It seemed to us her "unhappiness" ended up being his fault a lot of the time. But if you look at her childhood and part of her adulthood, there were things that happened to cause her unhappiness; issues and self esteem things that she couldn't seem to get rid of....she is a fine person in many regards: A hard worker, responsible, very smart, capable, resourceful, good skills, athletic, fit, creative, etc, etc. In many ways she was a little pistol....But I think it just wasn't a good match - in all honesty. And how do you fix THAT?
Well, they ended up getting divorced after 20 years of marriage and that was sort of sad, yet predictable too and I am the first person she CONFIDED in when she told me their marriage was reaching its end. She remarried within the year and was happy and in love, but her new husband committed suicide after he found out he had terminal cancer. YIKES!
My BIL is getting remarried; this time to the love of his life, I believe. She loves him and accepts him for who he is with all his personality traits and ADHD, etc.
So-I don't know where you are at with your wife; whether your love is deep, profound, etc. Only you can decide if you're going to stick it out of not. If she is in early sobriety that can be a nerve-wracking time, no matter who you are dealing with.
Just remember: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you cannot cure it. She's gonna do things and say things that will make it come off as if it is your fault and it isn't your fault, it's the nature of the "beast": addiction....and it is the underlying issues that led her to become an alcoholic.
It sounds as if you have forgiven the one night stand or whatever it was and have moved on from it? If not, and there is still some residual hurt or resentment, that will have to be worked through.
I believe that long-term relationships require a certain amount of ongoing forgiveness, because inevitable we are going to do and say things and get in fights where things are said and done that are hurtful. There's a lot of healing that needs to happen. But there also needs to be honesty and ownership for one's own part and actions in the relationship.
It always seems to come back around to needing to work on your own self and realizing you cannot fix others, but you can make boundaries for your self and hold firm to those boundaries when others try to cross them and push you around. YOU get to decide what you can or cannot live with and that decision is not always an easy one to make.
It sounds like she 'pushes you around' by being manipulative and passive-aggressiveness is a very common manipulation tool.
Sorry this is so long...I hope it was helpful.