Originally Posted by
Jmv2003 
Let me ask you all this....
What does he want from me?????? He doesn't want me to be emotional or try to talk about us but this past week when I keep it strictly about the kids or future plans, he gets mean. He also blames everything on me still and makes me take care of all of the separation stuff like getting all the info and seeing lawyers. Why is this???
We have not spoken to or seen each other all week which I love! It helps me get through things. In the past when I tried to back off, he was nicer to me but this time he has been kind of mean. I am not longer calling him, asking questions etc. We have been going back and forth through email with the schedule for the kids. One email I added something about our separation. I only did this b/c he knew I was seeing a lawyer. I will copy and paste below. I want you to see how he has to throw something in his email about divorce but says it so harshly...
FROM ME:
I am still taking all of the information I have gotten and trying to figure out the best thing to do for us and the kids. I have not hired a lawyer so that is not something you have to worry about right now. I am trying to figure out an ideal permanent schedule for the kids and getting other information together that will help us figure out a way to work this out whether we divorce or do a legal separation.
FROM HIM:
Let me know what you think is best for how we proceed. I realize a divorce is good, to just end things. I thought you having time to work on whatever you have to work on, keeping the healthcare plan would be helpful. I know I'm not very emotional, so this might be too hard.
Why did he have to add the comment about divorce? Its good just to end things?? He does things like this all of the time!! Hes going to make me hate him!!
As hard as this is to hear, it sounds to me like he is basically saying he is done. He is telling you in so many words that divorce is what he really wants. He doesn't want you to be emotional because he doesn't want to have to take responsibility for anything..typical A response. It's not HIS fault the marriage is failing. Stating that would mean he would have to address the drinking and he is protecting that at all costs. I see he shifts the blame to you... "having time to work on your stuff" etc. No where do I see anything about how he is doing anything to improve the relationship. He is not admitting any fault and is not mentioning anything he would change. Are you OK with that? Can you accept him as he is? Actions speak louder than words.
Take a step back and focus on you and your needs. A lawyer is for you and the kids not him. Know your rights so that you can protect yourself. You can always stop the divorce process at any step of the way all the way until the end. Many reconcile and lawyers will even put a clause about it in the divorce decree. Seeing one and getting the information does not mean it wont work out in the end. However it takes two to make it work and right now it sounds as if you only have one.