Hiya. Glad you're here and posting.
You know, many things that seemed impossible conundrums and situations for me at the end of my drinking were manageable once I'd stopped debilitating myself through alcoholic drinking and thinking.
I'd suggest that there are a few things you can do immediately to start getting off of this merry-go-round of hopelessness you're on right now....
1) Stop drinking. It solves nothing and makes every possible problem worse. The temporary relief it offers is far, far outweighed by the negative impact it has on the manageability of many areas of our lives (relationships, financial, work, self-regulation, depression and mental health, physical health to mention a few).
2) build up your support network. You have already started this by registering and posting on here. Have you considered AA meetings? I find the support, experience, strength and hope that these and the people in the fellowship have V given me has been invaluable.
3) look again at those work commitments. Decide what you can do, and contact whoever needs to know and explain the situation. In many cases when we are honest and upfront people are willing to renegotiate terms (possible extended deadlines, or some compromise on what will be done). If you're going to have to face the music sooner or later then sooner is best, as the fear this is creating in you is the most damaging aspects of the situation. When we lean into our fears then we get past them. Then we can focus on other things, like our recovery and relationships, and getting a good night's sleep or eating properly.
4) look into making a plan for your sobriety. Dee's thread about this is great...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
5) plan ahead to avoid the most common triggers. You can remember these with HALT. Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired. Think ahead to how you can plan your daily routine so you avoid these triggers, and have some contingency plans in place for how to overcome them should, do they arise.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB