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Old 12-20-2016, 11:25 AM
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theuncertainty
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
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Originally Posted by Jmv2003 View Post
What does he want from me?????? He doesn't want me to be emotional or try to talk about us but this past week when I keep it strictly about the kids or future plans, he gets mean. He also blames everything on me still and makes me take care of all of the separation stuff like getting all the info and seeing lawyers. Why is this???
I don't know for certain that it's the same with your AH, but AXH just wanted (wants) drink whenever he wants to. If I was wasn't OK with his drinking, he just wanted to be left "the f- alone" to drink. He wanted to do whatever he wanted to do, whenever he wanted to do it, without having to consider anyone else or do anything he didn't want to do. Some one else would take care of the other stuff, the things that weren't fun (paying bills, getting groceries for the family (not just steak and beer for him), taking care of our son...).

I think he also wanted me to buy into and reinforce his idea that I couldn't live without him. I was supposed to be heartbroken and unable to cope or do anything without him. (Which, btw, also completely went against his habit of waiting for me to do all the hard work.) I was supposed to beg him to come back. It completely shot his perception of our relationship when I got on just fine - actually better - without him.

While that does explain some of AXH's behavior, it certainly doesn't explain it all. It took quite a bit of effort on my part to get to the point where - whatever his reasons were didn't matter - what mattered was how his behavior affected DS and I.
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