Originally Posted by unsureoffuture

Yes, your story sounds familiar in that it took a very long time to realize it was the drinking that was the problem. I knew something was off for sure for years in my marriage but couldn't quite put my finger on it. My Ex AH was withdrawn and emotionally unavailable and wouldn't participate with me and the kids activities much. My ex is a closet drinker so he hid it well. Also my original perception of and A was the homeless, jobless falling down drunk we all think of. It never dawned on me that the man who went to work everyday and appeared sober just unavailable could be an A. Sure enough, when I began educating myself and reading here I learned he was.

So yes, it is very possible to realize afterwards that alcohol is the problem. Instead of focusing on his actions, focus on yours. Set boundaries and stick to them. If he doesn't want to stick to the kids schedule then he misses out. Instead of focusing on where he is and what he is doing in his free time, focus on you and what you like to do. Do things that make you happy with people who make you happy. Unfortunately you cant change anything about him or his actions. If he wants to be part of yours and the kids lives then he will. If he doesn't then he will not and right now he may not know what he wants. No amount of worrying, talking or pleading with him will change that. See a lawyer so that you have all the information you need to make decisions in your best interest if you need to. Focus on you and your recovery and be the best mom you can be to those boys. Hugs for you, you are in a tough place right now. Things will become clearer soon. Hang in there.