"Time Takes Time" - good one biminiblue!
Water, I can fully relate to what you said. Not sure what else to say, except yes, yes and yes (and more yes's) and to steal from biminiblue, time takes time.
And "This too shall pass". That was a leap of faith for me early on. I would get the drinking thinking going, especially around 3:00pm when I would 'start' before going home and starting again with the wife, or alone and picking back up.
I had your same thoughts when I was sitting in the lock up hospital, after trying to slit my wrists, drunk of course, and in the morning of course. I still say I did not try to kill myself because I think I am fully capable of really killing myself. But still, if I did not acknowledge it and own it, my immediate destiny would not have been in my own hands. Since then I can see in fact that I absolutely did try. But then I drove myself to the ER down the street to get 'bandaged up' and drive back home. Nope, straight to lockup.
That was when I was having your exact same thoughts. How could I move on, how could I get past what I have done, and more questions. The answer was, one day at a time. Sometimes one freaking minute at a time.
The time part is the hard part, but you really have no options.
Your first paragraph (SO well said I might add) will happen in time. If you are like me, you really won't notice it, you will just have moments when you realize that time has happened and some of what you said in your first paragraph are finally happening. And it will continue to happen little by little. No magic wand with this one. And that sucks.
So, the 'tell you about it' part? Well, how long is a long time? First of all, 23 days is a long time, congratulations!!! Seriously, that is huge. I was sober 3.5 years and thought I was 'over it' and 'cured' and tried to drink socially at a golf outing annual trip. It did not end well. After the first sip, and my decision to drink was premeditated, I knew I would drink till I came home. I did not know I would not be able to stop when I got home. It took 3 months to stop again, and that was 1 year and 5 months ago. So, in round numbers, I am 5 years sober with one monster relapse, technically 1 year 5 months.
But in AA I consistently hear of people with 10, 15, 20 plus years who 'went back out' and some did not come back. So, time is relative. And how long you have been sober is long enough to keep not drinking.
It does get better. With time.
A dear friend of mine who I only knew online (she was sober for 25 years) would tell me to just go to a meeting (when I was having one of my many many many tough times starting out). She would not tell me why. She would say "just go. you don't have to talk, just listen, and just go". And I did. And it helped little by little.
It took me quite a few relapsed to hit 30 days, then another one before 60 days, and another one at 90 days. But I kept trying and each time I could feel the benefits of not drinking. Finally I got some time under me and 'as they say' 'here I am'.
I loved your post. Hang in there. If you get the urge, just stop, and take a moment or a few, and it will pass.
Hang in there and keep posting!