I was one of those "no way!" people on the subject of therapy. Until this last relapse.
i don't know if i just got really good therapists this go around or what, but everyone i had EVER tried, paled in comparison compared to these. They actually struck a nerve and things made sense.
honestly, what i hear is a lot of self doubt and pity. OK so you F 'd up a job and a boyfriend...who HASN'T?!
I agree with what was said "you're only as alone as you chose to be" .
There are plenty of self help groups, AA and such where you could literally almost always be in a meeting. At least where i live.
What I DO want to caution you on is the pity and self doubt that has you questioning why you're choosing to stay alive when drinking is almost a foregone conclusion for death.
THAT, my friend is what ought to have you up in arms.
Relapse is planned. it's premeditated whether we see it outwardly or not. You sound scary right now. If it were me, I'd get to a meeting, a self help group, ANYTHING that can impede this line of thinking.
I mean in no way to sound harsh. it's quite the opposite. i hear a tremendous amount of pain and diseased thinking and am imploring you to seek some sort help to get yourself out of this funk.
About 1 in 13 people who get sober stay that way. Our stats SUCK hard enough where we have to look out for each other whenever possible.
i hope you feel better soon. i hate these kinds of funks.