Brenda, I don't remember if you discussed this in any of your posts but have you tried some sort of therapy since you got sober? Or if not, would you consider it? I don't particularly relate to the emptiness feeling and intense longing for someone unavailable but saw similar things discussed here on SR many times since I've been here. I hope someone who relates to this will chime in and share the experience. One thing that comes across to me from your posts in general is a tremendous amount of emotional intensity and maybe not knowing what to do with it... maybe I'm wrong.